Saying good-bye

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Saying good-bye.

Do I really have to do this? This is one thing that has constantly gone through my mind over the past 2 months.  I never thought I would ever leave this place – a place, I might add, that we always joked about being “stuck in” after college. We always tell people, “yeah, once we graduated, we just stayed and never got out!” But now we have to say good-bye. If we had done this about 4 years ago, it may not have been so hard. But roots are deep. Memories are here.

I’m not trying to be too melodramatic because quite honestly, there are worse things that can happen to a person! But I’m a melancholy personality, so that means I can be a little dramatic, right? I don’t handle change well because I’m a planner (also a part of that lovely type A personality). If it wasn’t in my plans, I just kinda flip out.

For a while.

I know, it’s kind of ridiculous.

But imagine feeling like you fit so well in a place, whether it’s a job or a church or a ministry. That feeling that you are doing what you’ve been called to do and then God calls you to do something else. Yeah…that.

“Something else” doesn’t mean “entirely different” because I may end up doing the same things in our new place that I’m currently doing here (and really, it’s not about me anyway although I act like it is sometimes). So I keep asking myself why I’m still freaking out about this whole thing. If I’m honest, it’s because I have a hard time starting over. It takes me a while to warm up to someone or to a ministry. It just takes time to work yourself into friendships and ministry opportunities. The problem is that not only do I have a problem with change, but I’m also not good with patience either. It takes time and hard work to start over in everything. I just want it to happen NOW because that is what would be convenient for me. I feel comfortable with things fitting the way they should.

Comfort.

This is where I have to ask myself, is this journey about me and my comfort? Or is this about bringing Him glory? Following His leading? Obedience. Now I’m not going on the mission field, so my story isn’t quite so dramatic as that. But in the end, this is still about obedience and following a call. Leaving what’s comfortable and familiar and going to a place that is mostly unknown. Will I choose to go with grace or am I going to dig in my heels and thrash and scream, oh so ungracefully? Heavens, let me not be so much about myself that I look like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a toy.

So I say good-bye. And then I thank God for technology because it’s not truly good-bye (but let this melancholy girl have her drama…just a little…and then scold her if she starts to slide into a tantrum).

My challenge for you is be obedient.  You may not be going overseas for missions (not everyone is called to that). You may not be going into ministry full time (not everyone is called to that). You may simply hear Him say, “I want you to go here. Just trust Me. I’m worth it.” (absolutely every believer is called to THAT!) And then you have a choice. So what’s it going to be?

Say good-bye.

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About ashleydfarmer

I love learning and teaching. I occasionally get ridiculously excited over small things and hopefully have learned to describe them well enough for others to get just as excited as I do (hence this blog). I believe God's word is truth and brings understanding and joy to the one who hears and accepts it. My passion is for Him first, my family second, and the ministry He's given me third (whatever that looks like). I also happen to love tennis :) but I suppose that's for a different blog...

2 responses »

  1. I totally relate…change is hard and you guys have a lot of change thrown at you all at once. I know God will use you wherever you guys are and I’m glad you will be in the same state as us soon! 🙂 Speaking of…when are you guys closing on your house and officially moving down here? Love ya!

    • Thanks, Mary! We’re looking forward to being closer to the Farmer family for a while 🙂 We are packing up the moving van tomorrow, and if everything goes as planned, we should leave on Thursday (so much for a Thanksgiving dinner!). A bunch of people from our Sunday school class will be there to help, so I’m guessing we’ll get it done by the end of the day.

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